![]() This quote is so relatable because every time something good happens to me, I envision a tiny woman gently swaying her hips inside of my body. "My inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba." What was she trying to say? Why did she add that on the end? How are people actually buying this?Ģ. Of course, I've come to learn that less is more. This reminds me of when I was younger and thought more adjectives made the sentence better. "His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel.or something." James more money, I would recommend reading these ten, real quotes from her first novel. Before you jump on the bandwagon to give E. Still, Hollywood decided to turn the garbage into a movie, and this Valentine's Day is the release of the sequel. Strip away all the sex scenes, and you're left with an awful plot full of flat characters and awful writing. ![]() In fact, the world managed to completely overlook the fact that Fifty Shades is easily one of the worst books published in American history. The world was taken by storm because of the book's erotic content. James published her first book, Fifty Shades of Grey. Well, I have published a novel called Twelve Hours which includes S&M scenes, so you can judge for yourselves.Six years ago, a new writer by the name of E. PPPS I've had messages asking me if I think I could do any better than the author of 'Fifty Shades' - a fair question. rather than toiling your way through a badly written trilogy.Īnd finally if, by some vague chance, you side with the huge wave of womankind who wants to read this stuff, you can buy 'Fifty Shades of Grey', 'Fifty Shades Darker' and 'Fifty Shades Freed' and even the 'Fifty Shades Trilogy Boxed Set' at the .uk - but you know what? I'll be giving books two and three of this particular trilogy a miss. PPS And if you want a beginner's guide to S&M, read this. PS If you're looking for good erotic reads, here are some suggestions. In fact 'Fifty Shades of Grey' is so bad that I'd rather read 'The Famous Five' or 'The Faraway Tree' - at least they're fun. Tell me, damn it, and then this flat, lifeless, unbelievable character might stand a chance of coming to life! Sorry world, but I've decided that the literary phenomenon of the year is the Enid Blyton of erotic fiction. Yer what?!ġ0) Anastasia when cuffed to the bed posts: 'Holy cow, I cannot move my arms.'Īnd a line that didn't make it into my top 10 but which perhaps deserves a mention is: 'Oh my!' Anastasia says 'Oh my!' all the time but what does 'Oh my!' mean? Does it mean 'I feel horny?' Or does it mean 'I'm not sure my mum would approve.' Or does it mean 'I want my knickers back'. So speaks a man who likes to tie women to the ceiling and leave them there. Is that fascinating, or is it just a weak and uninteresting plot line that somehow holds this weak and uninteresting story together?ĩ) Christian Grey: 'You wore my underwear' Why does Christian think Anastasia is fascinating? She is so dull and thick and annoying! Ah, but most of the women Christian knows let him tie them up before the first drink, whereas Anastasia (an intellectual literature student who loves Thomas Hardy) takes a little time to consider the offer. ![]() In fact it'd be odd if he returned with anything BUT a cane, or some weird kinky implement.Ĩ) 'You are the most fascinating woman I know.'Īnother 'really?' moment. Now that's something, isn't it? Er, no.ħ) 'Suppose he returns with a cane, or some weird kinky implement?' Holy shit, what will I do then?'Īt this point Mr Grey has owned up to being seriously into S&M - it'd be odd if he returned with a bunch of flowers or a nice DVD box set. A man who knows that you have to take the mini pill at the same time each day. I don't think I could ever mentally gird my loins - in some ways, you have to admire our heroine.Īnastasia marvels at her hero's superb contraceptive knowledge. Our hero, Mr Christian Grey, constantly says 'baby' this and 'baby' that to the heroine of the novel, Anastasia - and never has the word 'baby' been less sexy and more over-used.ģ) 'He's my very own Christian Grey popsicle.'Īre there prizes for the worst description of a blow-job?ĥ) 'Mentally girding my loins, I head into the hotel.' In no particular order.ġ) 'Her curiousity oozes through the phone' So, sailing against the tide of public opinion, I hereby pledge my hatred of that stupid novel with my ten worst lines from it. And I was quite excited about 'Fifty Shades of Grey' - until I read it. I'm not averse to the odd bit of erotic fiction - I think it's good for the soul, and the sex life, and everything really. ![]()
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